fuck ALL of you

yes, just like everyone else, I am indeed having an emotional time and I can feel a lot of pressure and stress, more now than ever.

But I know for a fact that I'll make it through. I've already gone through TOO much shit, took too much bullshit, dried too many tears, yelled through too many hard situations, talked to myself during extremely hard times too often to fucking give up now.

What the FUCK is wrong with me? For some reason, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. Like this might be it. That I might, after all these years, just fucking give up. Hell fucking no. This can't happen. At all.

I need to reassure myself. ALL I NEED IS MYSELF AND MY OWN CONVICTION. THAT'S IT.

I know, your supposed to depend on family and friends and girlfriends and all that. That's true. But what about the deep shit? The shit you can never tell anyone? Never even mention? Even have to lie to gloss over it? NO ONE CAN HELP, WILL HELP. So Aaron, time to shut the fuck up. There's no fucking break for you. Life has always been a challenge, what do you think will change now? You don't even deserve rest. You haven't done shit with your life. Unless you reach the very top of this world, you cannot rest. Success is the only option to you. Any other path leads to death. No point in living without a goal.

Nothing for you. No substances to relieve shit. You can't have it. No matter how much you want to, how many friends, your not getting shit. Too fucking bad for you.

Why? What you have right now, its not good enough. You always try so goddam hard, but its not ENOUGH. Only option is to keep always trying your best, no matter how futile it'll be.

Let other bitches fail and get swept under the unrelenting machine called Life. But you, you have to survive. You must. Never pause, for even one moment, or you'll get swept under too. You gotta stay on top. No choice.

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I want a break. I want a pillow. I just wanna rest my head a little. But no, I haven't deserved it, so I won't. I don't think i ever will. So what? I'm strong enough. I mean, I always have been. What's changed now?